Finals. Blah.

I'm already doing a not-so-good job at keeping up with this blog.  My bad.

It's about that time of year for finals.....again.  Oh the joys: empty, crushed cans of Red Bull piled in the corners of rooms, full cans of Red Bull in mini-fridges calling the names of their owners, textbooks, novels, notes, Sparknotes, 5-Hour Energy, highlighters, the jail-turned walls of libraries, [adderall,] half empty bags of Doritos, Ramem noodles, Monster, left-over pizza, [adderall,] late nights, the annoying buzz/rings of alarm clocks on early mornings, review/cram sessions, learning/re-learning, [adderall,] and the list goes on.

Meanwhile most of the mind's attention seems to be less on the study material and more on those little voices that we don't like to admit exist in our heads that say things such as, "This better be worth it," "Why am I in school?" "I hate school," "I didn't learn shit," "Why is everyone done with school but me!?" and so on and so forth.

What do you know?  What did you memorize?  What did you forget?  Why do you know what you know, memorize what you do just for an exam, and forget the things you forget?  Well, I can't answer that; but if you think about it I'm sure you can come up with some answers for yourself.

I don't really have much else to say about finals except, "You can do it!".................I'll get back to studying now.

*Note: This was posted on May 11th, 2011; Blogger had technical difficulties that ended up deleting all posts put up that day.  They finally recovered it, and here it is for those who never got to read it.*

School Is Cool When You're Interested

Blowing my __________.  Fill in the blank if you can; I won't.

I'm just writing to write.  I don't even know what I want to talk about; maybe I'll start thinking of random profound ("profound") shit as I keep writing.

Sometimes, as I sit in my room and read these textbooks and "review" these notes from my classes, I feel like I'm not learning.  It's almost like the pressure to do well on tests and maintain a GPA keeps me from really learning anything.  I just cram and memorize things long enough to remember them for the test, forget the information after the test and do it all over again for the next test.  Test after test after test after paper after paper.

Hmmm...papers.  I write them, get them back with illegible markings all over them through which my professors try and tell me that I'm not being "clear enough" or it "doesn't make sense"; but after I read through those markings, I still don't really learn anything.  Especially if the paper is about a literary work.  They say you can get through those papers by writing whatever you think the literature is about; but by the time you get the paper back, you realize it doesn't really matter what you think it's about.  If it doesn't make sense to the professor, there goes your A.

Yea, you can talk to the professors about what you don't understand, and get them to help you; but gosh––if all of my attention wasn't on what I can expect on the test, or what the "teacher is thinking," I may actually learn something, I may actually learn MORE.

It doesn't even surprise me anymore when I hear that an undergraduate college degree won't do you much good these days.  One, just about everyone is getting a degree.  Two, it seems like all the attention is on what's going to be on the test.  Seriously, if I kept a tally of how many times I've heard, "...but you don't need to know that," between my freshman year in high school to now (my sophomore year in college), my walls would be FILLED.

What the hell does, "You don't need to know that," mean?  I thought we were supposed to know as much as possible.  WHY am I not supposed to know? ....because it's not on a test.  ....?

Another thing about school and degrees.  I wish people would stop looking at me with the "What the fuck are gonna do with that?" face whenever I tell them that I'm double majoring in English and Psychology.  What blows me even more is when they say, "Oh so you're gonna take the psychology route huh?"  I probably won't.

I know plenty of people that are miserable taking classes they don't want to take because someone told them to or because it's "safer"––safer because it will "guarantee" them a job.  But if you major in biology and don't get into any med school you applied to, you're not guaranteed much right?  Just a thought.  I could be wrong.

I'm not KNOCKING anybody.  Well, maybe I am.  I'm knocking the people who are NOT doing what they want to do––the one's that are doing what they or someone else thinks they should do.

If you're going to dedicate your time to something, you should probably dedicate it to something you're interested in.  You may actually learn something.

I was talking to a peer this week, and she was telling me how annoyed she gets when she sees people rant and complain on social networks about how hard their life is because their major is so difficult.  I told her that the people who rant and complain probably major in things that they're not NATURALLY GOOD at or ENJOY doing.  I know people who major in things like engineering, math or physics, but they NEVER complain about the work.  Whenever I ask them if the work is hard they say, "No, not really," or something of the sort.  And understanding how they can say that isn't difficult that difficult when I think about it––they actually like that stuff, and they're naturally good at it.  If I told any of them to sit in several English classes where we talk about different literary works and/or write papers, they'd pull their hair out.

Anyways, so out of all of this I guess what I'm saying is that I wish people would do what they're good at and what they're interested in.  They may learn a lot more; they probably wouldn't complain; they wouldn't feel like they're wasting their time; and they'd probably be a lot HAPPIER.

We only live this life once right?.....so why settle for something that you don't even want because it's "safe?"  And why limit what you learn??  Know as MUCH as you want and as MUCH as you can.

.....I'm not saying schools are terrible and no one should go either.

And that's it for today's rant.

Sensations.

Do you know what it feels like to feel?  To feel a sensation.  When was the last time you felt the presence of the clothes on your skin?  Or the last time you felt the water you drank soothe your throat?  Or the last time you actually TASTED every detail and felt the texture of the food you ate?  Or even the last time you took the time to look at the ability of your fingers and toes to move?

I felt like I was living my life day-to-day.  Not in the, "take it one day at a time," way; but in the way that made me feel as if I was here just to work and take care of my body enough so that I can make a living to merely live through the next day.  I wasn't recognizing the pleasures in life––those pleasure that I was receiving through my senses every moment that I was awake.

It was when I started randomly taking moments out of my walks to class to stop for a second and take a deep breath to realize that I am inhaling the air around me to give me life and exhaling to give the world around me life.  Recognizing my breath, the feeling it gave me when the cool air went up my nose and filled up my lungs and the feeling it gave me to release that air, started making me more appreciative of life.  I felt...."here," or better put, I felt my own presence. 

Apparently, thinking with an open mind wasn't enough for me; it was when I started thinking with an open heart and FEELING every experience my senses went through that the world around me became more beautiful than it already was.  Everything, every creation amazes me, and I love that feeling.

This snickerdoodle I'm eating right now is SO much more now that I've forced myself to taste every ingredient that was put into it. Yum.

No, Not Unicorns and Things––Unless That's What You Want

My friend Belief and I had a little chat today.  I almost turned my back on him, and he got a bit upset.

See, when I was younger (I mean elementary school young) Belief and I were really close.  I believed that I could do whatever I wanted to do and become whoever I wanted to be.  I believed in the power of Belief.  As I got older though, I started paying attention to things and listening to people that started to make me think that my friend Belief was not as powerful as I thought he was.

He was still relevant in my life––he helped me get A's in my classes and kept me determined to complete little tasks that I needed to get done––but I started to separate him from my imagination.  When I was younger, I imagined growing up and having all kinds of careers, whether it be teaching, acting, singing, dancing, writing, drawing (even though I couldn't draw too well).  I believed I could be all of those things and be good at it.  People started laughing at my imagination though; I was told that those dreams were just that––unrealistic figments of my imagination that could NEVER come true.

When Belief and I chatted today, we talked about unlocking the door to my imagination that I locked long ago.  The possibilities in this world are endless up until it is time for us to leave our state as living beings.  Why should I ever limit those possibilities because I or someone else thinks that they can never happen?

The first step to making things possible is to recognize that those possibilities are actually there.  I became so constrained to my day-to-day life that it became all that I knew; it led me to limit my thinking to the possibilities that were directly in front of me.  Belief told me that I needed to imagine again; I needed to dream again.  Imagining and dreaming about WHATEVER it is that I want, regardless of how unrealistic those wants sound to others, serve as a reminder that possibilities are infinite.  Opening that door to imagination reminds me that the things that I want DO exist; I just have to go and get them.  More importantly, I have to BELIEVE that I CAN get what I want.  Belief told me that once I understand that the things that I want can be physically acquired, just as the materialistic things that I have now, I can get them, place them directly in front of me and have them to myself.

I know, all of this sounds cliche.  "We've heard all of this before; they tell children these things," or "You're living in a fantasy world Priya."  Yeah, I know.  I might sound like the typical college student, modern day hippie to some of you.  But sometimes people need to hear that what they want is out there; sometimes people forget that they have the ability to turn their life into whatever they want to turn it into as long as they keep Belief within them.

"Champions aren't made in the gym.  Champions are made from something they have deep inside them; a deep desire, a dream, a vision." - Muhammad Ali.

...Oh, and please stop telling CHILDREN their dreams can't come true; they tend to grow up believing that when they hear it.

Leave It Behind, But Don't Forget It

You know those text messages, facebook messages, direct messages, or voicemails––wait, people don't leave those much anymore do they––that people leave saying something exactly like or similar to, "How've you been?" or, "I miss you," or the guilt-trip inducing (maybe not intentionally...maybe), "I hope all is well with you, take care?"  Messages like those usually translate into my head as, "Why the fuck did you disappear out of my life when I was there for you, you asshole?"

A lot of my peers (I guess that's what I can call them) have a hard time understanding how relationships with a significant other or friendships can just vanish into thin air without any warning and in some cases, without any real reason.  Here's the thing, people grow apart.  It's just how life is.  You meet someone, become good friends with them, LEARN FROM THEM (keep that in mind) and you and/or that person enter a new chapter in your lives.

I know––it's hard; I didn't say moving on from a close relationship was supposed to be easy.  But don't sit there and feel BAD about it.  If you find that after a certain point in the relationship/friendship you're the only one putting in much effort to maintain it......PUT THE PHONE DOWN.  You'll find one of two things when you do: 1, the person will pick up the phone and call because he or she is concerned as to why he or she hasn't heard from you; or 2, you get no phone call, text message, bird mail or any other kind of message from the other person to see how you're doing.  If you find the first thing––great!  If you consistently find the second, then it's time that you move on because they probably already have...or don't care enough to maintain the relationship.  I know it sounds harsh, and it may not even be true in some cases.

When I get those messages asking me where I've been, I honestly haven't forgotten about the person.  I usually think about those people three to four times a week; and you would think that if I did think about them that much I would just pick up the phone and keep in touch....well I'm pretty bad at that.  And it's nothing personal; that's just how I am.  There are other people like me; and if you're close enough to that other person you will know if that's just how they are.  But what's IMPORTANT to note is that if someone hits you up on a daily basis and then stops calling you, messaging you, etc., then you need to let it go.

Don't REGRET the friendship or relationship.  That's one thing many of my peers don't really understand.  They start to regret all of the time and effort, or "effort," they put into it.  The relationships we build with people are meant to be in our lives so that we can learn from them.  We learn about the mistakes we've made through them, we learn about our likes and dislikes through them, we learn about OURSELVES through them, and it's also important to note that we GROW into the beautiful people that we are through them.

Having to let go because you or the other person has entered a new chapter can be tough, but don't regret it––and don't forget what you've learned from it.  One of the best ways to learn about ourselves and our lives is through our interactions with other people.

On a side note, sorry for the "preaching."  I promise I'll have actual stories/real-life scenarios of mine soon.